Life is precious

Depression is a real thing. Anxiety is a real thing. And those who make fun of it are the real perpetrators. Always running towards finding a solution isn't a solution. You need to stop, take a break and most importantly TALK. No matter how big a problem is, putting an end to your life isn't the solution. Talk to someone, vent things out, don't keep it with yourself. There are online forums if anonymity is what you're looking for, there's no need to look down upon yourself if the need dictates you to see a psychiatrist. The most priced possession one could have is the gift of Life. Realize it's worth. Please, talk.

Sometime back, I used to be a Listener on one such online forum where people in need would connect and talk and share their feelings and things that they're going through. There I realized that things as trivial as not getting enough attention from friends, scoring less marks, not getting a date etc. could have serious implications on one's life if these things are not talked about.

Kids gets bullied at school but they choose to keep things with themselves resulting in grave consequences in their future life.

All they need is a person to whom they could tell things that are happening with them.

Be there for your partner, spouse, siblings, parents, kids, friends, relatives, neighbors or anyone who feel close to you. Just listen to them. Don't give any advice or suggestion. Just be a listening ear. Sometimes that's all that a person need.

Kingslayer, Oathbreaker, A man without honor

Jaime Lannister - Kingslayer. Oathbreaker. Man Without Honor.

Rarely, very rarely have we seen a character transcend from dislike, hate and disgust to moral, just and could feel for his loss. A knight of sorts and a person who has always liked to stay away from politics and stay closer to her love Cersei.

Soon as the Game of Thrones began, we instantly developed a general dislike for him. It was showed to us that he was the Kingsguard, a person who has sworn oath to protect his king at all cost, who murdered The King Aerys by stabbing him in the back. Making him Kingslayer- who slayed his king, Oathbreaker-who broke the Kingsguard oath, Man without Honor - who stabbed the King in the back

But what the show didn't show us was the second part of the oath. The Kingsguard must protect his king as well as bury his secrets and keep it to him.

Aerys Targaryen, the Mad King went crazy and started burning men cause of his paranoia. Jaime saw all this. Soon the madness went haywire and the King demanded Jaime to bring him his father's (Tywin Lannister)  head while he plot to burn the Kings Landing to ashes by Wildfire. No man in his right mind would have abided to it. This secret remained with Jaime forever until he disclosed it to Brienne of Tarth, laying in that pool, helpless, in agony, vulnerable, lost and weak with one hand severed.

Jaime sees the good in Brienne and is highly affected by her. I believe what we see in Jaime today has a lot to credit to Brienne. He even gives her his Valyrian Sword and ask her to go and find the Stark Girls and keep the oath that she pledged to Catelyn Stark. How poetic it was of Brienne to name the sword as 'Oathkeeper'!

We often judge people too quickly without knowing their backstory. It takes time for the moon to shine at its brightest, it takes time for a flower to bloom at its fullest, it takes time for a man to reveal his thick and thin for you to know him completely.

Jaime Lannister - The world might not sing a song for his deeds but his closest ones will always know him as the ultimate savior who saved a whole city by bearing the smear against his name and not telling the world why he did it.

An unceremonious goodbye

"...but what hurts me the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye."

- Life of Pi

There's something peculiar about farewells that even though it is supposed to be the end of a journey, a relationship or expectations, we crave for a lot in that last moment of togetherness.

Meera Reed along with Jojen, Hodor and Summer shared a long journey together. They all went through a lot because House Reed (Howland Reed) swore fealty to House Stark. They kept their word and fealty throughout the journey and staked their life for Bran because he was to be the Three Eyed Raven.

After going through all these, all Bran had to say was just 'thanks and goodbye' to Meera. It couldn't get more unceremonious than this. It was a heart wrenching moment to see her go like that.

A parallel reference to this is Richard Parker's not looking back at Pi once they reached the shore. Pi kept on screaming and looking for him as the tiger disappeared in the woods.

I think no matter how bitter things get, no matter how heartbroken you are, no matter how afraid you are of that farewell, always try to speak out from heart in that last moment.

That's what stands us out from Bran - the one with supernatural powers and Richard Parker - a creature who can't differ survival instinct from a personal bonding.

Healing wounds

In book 1, Jorah tells Dany “Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died.” I suspected if that's what to become of Jon, cause being good, chivalrous, honorable seldom gets you killed.. and when you have a psychopath like Ramsay as your opponent, the likeability of it spikes up pretty high.

Jon even took the bait to save Rickon by abandoning his army, even though there was no hope and almost got himself killed had Davos not marched  at the right moment.

Everything aside, it was one hell of an episode! One of the best 9th episode of the series. The dragons rampaging in the start (all three!!!), a strategically planned battle, a claustrophobic Jon caught beneath the piles of bodies and a frightened Ramsay who retreats. I bet one could feel the adrenaline pumping throughout the battle and more so while Jon is punching Ramsay. Thud! Thud! Bloods-plash!

But that's not the best part, the best part was Sansa. A broken Sansa, who smiles and does her hair well and dresses elegantly even after being scarred by the vicious monster. The best part was watching her move away when the hounds starts to feast on that monster but then realising that she ought to see that. She stayed. She saw. She smiled. A smile that signified triumph against tyranny... against atrocities. A smile that said "from now on, no more nightmares...no more sleepless nights".

Sansa is healed now. Now it's Freys turn!

It's never too late to be good again.

 Athazagoraphobia - The fear of being forgotten, ignored or abandoned.

Theon Greyjoy is a classic case of such fear. Throughout his life he was dictated choices to act upon others opinion before he could pipe up his voice. First lived as a false Stark, only to be brainwashed and disowned and despised by his own father, Balon Greyjoy, for not being a true Ironborn. The act he did at Winterfell by burning the farmboys were in search of the Greyjoy his father wanted him to be. Only to be tortured and tormented and shredded by Ramsay. In his worst time, when he was transformed into Reek, he remembers Robb. The Starks. And how he betrayed them, 'And Robb. Robb, who had been more a brother to Theon than any son born of Balon Greyjoy's loins. Murdered at the Red Wedding, butchered by the Freys. "I should have been with him. Where was I? I should have died with him."'

But it's never too late to be good again. Never too late to discover the lost YOU in you.

At some point or the other in our life, that fear knocks on our door as well. Some just ignore it and move on while others opens the door, only to be consumed by that fear.

AI in movies : Ex Machina

Have we gone too far with technology? Ex-Machina raises this question very accurately. But then a counter question pops up, how much is too much? Artificial Intelligence is one such technology portrayed and manipulated to a new high in Ex Machina. A female robot, AVA, designed by a genius CEO Nathan Bateman not only is far more intelligent than anticipated but is also equally deceptive. 

The most chilling moment of the movie was when at one point, while pursuing the Turing Test, Caleb (the programmer selected for the test) starts doubting his own identity to see if he is a robot too and cut his wrist deep to verify that. 

Artificial Intelligence, augmented reality, brain machine interface and others of the likes of it, are the future. But as the end turns out to be, AVA (the robot) deceives Caleb (the human) by making him fall for her(?) and locks her in the room to die.. So if at all, you make an AI as intelligent as human, be prepared for other characteristics that comes along...like hatred, curiosity, deception, love, sexuality, desire, instincts etc. A brilliant movie, a must watch.. a treat for your grey matter! 

Irrfan : End of an era

 There was hardly a role that Irrfan couldn't have played well. His versatility overpowered actors we thought were paramount of cinema. A true specimen of progressive free thinker who was a tight slap to nepotism.

People who knew him has shared incidences of his humility and humbleness and how simple of a man he was. And we could do nothing but agree to each and every bit of those anecdotes.

I personally feel, he lived through the characters he played. I mean, you can't imagine the character of a simple, Mr. Sajan Fernandes (Lunchbox) who is the best example of a typical Bombay uncle, whose mundane life just goes on and on, being played by any other actor. Or that of a tormented Maqbool who lives in self denial and would obey his Godfather  Abbaji, to death till he's persuaded. Or a survivor - Pi Patel, who narrates his story with such simplicity that you couldn't help but feel the terror of being in a boat with a tiger & feel the pain of an unceremonious goodbye.

Irrfan Khan would touch you so appropriately and yet make you uncomfortable by the uncanny resemblance of how you would behave at a particular situation just the way he depicts.

If I could, and that's a VERY BIG IF, I would make a 'montage' of two of my most favorite character that he has played - Mr. Sajan Fernandes (Lunchbox) and Maqbool (Maqbool).

With Mr Fernandes (left frame)  living his routine life with blank and tired eyes going to his office and one day getting that lunchbox which changes his life.

On the other hand (right frame), Maqbool, listening to commands from Abbaji and then persuaded by Nimmi. His utter dilemma, that scared face and then giving up all those to succumb to his desires. A character who speak so well with his eyes.

And in the background I would put the track "Gulon me rang bhare", which starts in the voice of Dr. Hilaal Meer (from Haider, played by the iconic Late. Mr. Narendra Jha) and with a dead pause when the vocal intro is over, Arijit Singh or Ali Sethi would take the track forward.

I think this would be a perfect ode to Irrfan Khan.

It's hard to contemplate that we live in a world without Irrfan Khan.

May he rest in peace and greatness, forever. :hearts:

"Qafas udaas hai yaaro saba se kuchh to kaho,

Kahin to Bahr-E-Khuda aaj Zikr-E-Yaar chale

Gulon me rang bhare,

Baad-E-Nau bahar chale"

~ Faiz Ahmad Faiz

A date to remember?

The year is 2101. You go to a pub and after a long long wait you get lucky to get a date! Score!

You take her home, both of you take the COVID test, and voila! It comes out negative.

Sweet!

You both take your gas masks off, and suddenly she's upset. Cause you're ugly. You look at her.

Disappointed!

Cause you both are ugly!

The Queen's Justice and Ozymandias

 "If you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Olenna Tyrell sensed her death when the Tyrell lost the battle but even then she held her calm and wits intact. A shrewd lady whose intentions oscillates between good and bad is a classic example of 'grey' personality.

I couldn't agree more with her when she said "I did unspeakable things to protect my family or watch them being done on my orders", reminds me of another iconic character somewhat parallel to Olenna. Walter White. Rings a bell?

"A man provides", I guess both the characters lived on the same motive.

What shocked me was the extra ordinary resemblance of the moment when Olenna revealed that she's the one who killed Joffrey, that she want Cersei to know that it was her who killed her son.

Pretty much the same way Walt revealed Jesse that he could've saved Jane, that he watched her die.

That was a nod (a hat tip?) to Nietzsche by both Olenna and Walt to their rivals (Cersei and Jesse)

"We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us...you blinked."

Chapter 2 : Raghav

 

8 months ago....

 

9. 30 p. m. Cafe Classico -

"You don't have to be so rude all the time Raina. He was just looking at you, why did you lash out at him like that?" Raghav is still in shock at how she reacted to the guy who was sitting next to them in that cafe where they usually hangout at night after work. She doesn't say anything just walking along with Raghav, with his hand in hers. "I am not sure if that was really necessary. There were other people in the cafe, some of them were from my office and I could guarantee you that there were few from yours too!", he shrugs his hand off. "Are you even listening? What's going on with you? You were not like this before, what changed?" Raina just walks without saying anything. Blank, without expressions.

Raghav gives up. He just looks at her with concern and then decides it’s better to not say anything anymore. He takes a deep sigh and start walking along with her. Silently. They both reach the parking lot; he starts his bike and drives away. She holds him tightly from behind. Raghav could feel her breathes on his neck. The weather is nice out there. But not so nice that he could just forget what happened at the cafe. "You know what, we should go to movies this weekend. It would be so much fun! I will book the tickets once we get home, what do you say, Raghu?" Raina pinches his waist and laugh loudly at his reaction. Raghav keeps a straight face and smiles and even laughs a little. But deep down he is concerned and scared at what happened at the cafe two hours ago.

 

7. 45 p. m. Cafe Classico

"One Classico Veg Burger, one Chicken Cheese Grilled burger and two cold coffees please, thank you!" Raghav places the order and both head toward the table. "I am telling you Raghav; you should take that opportunity. The pay is good, you will get a lot to learn. And if it’s about the city, you will adjust in just fine." Raina tries to convince him to take the job offer at a Bangalore startup. She looks at him with concern and comfort. Raghav is 32 years old guy. He is just shy of 6 ft, Raina always admired how tall he is. She always looks at him with fascination when he stands up and stretches his arms. He does not have a very strong build neither he's very athletic, but he has a different aura about him which is very attractive. His eyes are deep, his voice very husky and he speaks with so much calm. 'Not just another IT guy from the crowd' as Raina would put it. He speaks very confidently and has a certain charm in it. She always found him curious and yet vulnerable, making hasty decisions or that’s just her being overly cautious and caring or maybe she's just in love with him. They have been dating for almost 4 years now.

"I know, it’s just that I have spent a very good part of my life here in this city that I feel uncertain about this change. The comfort zone has made me way too comfortable here" he chuckles. "Order no. 232! Order no. 232 please!" the guy at the counter calls. Raghav goes to collect it.

Raina is sitting and looking outside the window, fidgeting with her wallet, and looking for Raghav. When she hears couple of men laughing and giggling. She looks towards her left and see two men, in their late 30s looking and laughing at her. Another one was sitting along with them and just ogling at her without blinking, it made her uncomfortable. Soon Raghav came and they started enjoying their meal. But now she was not at ease. Those men were continuously looking at them. Raghav notices that "Don't pay attention to them, just enjoy your meal" and holds her hand. She takes a bite of the burger. And suddenly, she hears a loud laughter and hooting. And she loses it all, that was it for her. She gets up and rushes to them and just stands there. Looking at them all. All of them are silent. There is a pin drop silence in the cafe, only the light piano music playing on the sound bars. "Kya problem hai??" She enquires with a stern look. One of them gets up, "Nothing madam. We were laughing at our jokes! Apko kya problem hai?" He replies. "Keep it down then! She takes a step ahead towards him and warns him by looking in his eyes. The other guy is still staring at the two. The guy who was just ogling at her, is not even bothered and keeps eating chips. The whole cafe is silent, the music has turned off. All that could be heard is the sound of crispy chips being eaten by the third guy.

 

Raghav rushes to her, holds her hand and drags her to their table. While taking her, he apologizes to them with his hand gesture. They finish their meal, somehow. "What was all that about?" Raghav asks her. She does not reply and soon they leave after finishing their meal. While going out she looks at them, but her eyes are locked on the third guy, who is again looking at her and then at Raghav.

 

Chapter 1: Raina

 "I should probably get some coffee", she looks at the clock and back at her blinking screen. It's 2 a. m. and she has a deadline hanging on her neck like a sword. Her eyes are getting puffier by the day. 'Maybe I should resign and find another job' and as quickly as that idea came in her mind, she shrugs it off.

Raina Kashyap is a 30 year old girl working as a Business Consultant in one of the leading consulting firm in Pune. With an average built and dusky complexion but sharp features, Raina stands out in the crowd as a charismatic person who could charm the audience with her feminine yet husky voice, and ever smiling face.
Finally she wraps up her work and closes the flap of her laptop and heaves a sigh of relief. It's 2.30 a. m. and she's famished.
She lifts up her water bottle drinks the last two remaining sips, slides off her bed and walk towards the kitchen to cook some ready to eat Maggi noodles for herself.
Maggi noodles would always be an oasis to bachelors in a never ending desert of the question "What should I cook that's easy and quick and delicious at the same time?"

Her other flat-mate, Shikha, is asleep in her room. And there's a stark silence in the atmosphere. All she could hear is the noise of distant passing by vehicles, dogs barking and those unknown nocturnal birds chirping. She kind of like this unsettling silence. The kind which makes your stomach flutter sometimes and you feel like peeing.
'How could he not have noticed that I was wearing that purple top which he once complemented? Maybe I should have wore my glasses, my eyes are swollen lately or maybe he likes it without glasses' a chain of thoughts run through her mind about Raghav, her boyfriend who's living in Bangalore. Both of them were colleague until Raghav switched the company and shifted to Bangalore to work for a startup.
Their usual catch up in nearby cafes are now reduced to mere WhatsApp video calls.
She's chopping tomatoes and onions and spring onions for her noodles. The knife is sharp and in one go the onions are getting sliced 'stt-stt-stt-stt'. She loves the sound of it. It's weirdly satisfying.

'I miss how your hairs felt on my face when we used to sit by the Lavasa lake on a drizzly evening.' Raghav's words always cheers her up. Remembering little things, tiny details always makes day.
stt-stt-stt-stt, she looks down only to realize that she had cut her finger. The onions are red with her blood. Ideally she should panic, but she keeps looking at her finger, blood dripping drop by drop. She sucks her finger to stop the blood, which by now has covered her palm and encroaching the veins on her wrist. She sucks her index finger to stop the blood. And she couldn't help but like the taste of how her blood tastes. Somehow the bleeding stops.
She hurriedly washes her hand and resumes her cooking and finishes off without getting lost in another chain of thoughts.
Pouring the noodles in a bowl, she goes to her room. Put some light music by Frank Sinatra and sits by the window and eats her noodle gazing out in the dark, all she could see is dim street lights and lights in the neighboring societies.
She finishes off her noodles and go to the kitchen to wash her hands and she's too sleepy to do the dishes, so she just put them all in the sink along with the chopping board, when she realize that she hadn't washed the onions which were soaked with her blood.